Cuti!!

Dear nouri,

first of all... muahahahahahahahahaha! (gila dah)
Phew! FINALLY! CUTI! im totally going insane here and im so glad the hols is back! :)
winter is such a gloomy weather to go to class :( and its suppose to be the hardest quarter :'( il'' die of insanity.

anyway, going to memphis this saturday. hurm.. dont feel much like it cuz i was thinking of cathcing up with some sleep but i dont think that will be appropriate at my pak ndak's house. sigh..

lin serious merepek this week. i didnt go to class on tuesday AND weds (even weds is only iceskating) and i didnt go to work on weds (cuz of test) AND thursday (i slept because tired of three test in 1 day). but im relizing im making too much excuses nowadays. i dont have the motivation of learning anymore. Hopefully it wont be like my SPM where i gave up for three whole months and decided to start studying a week from SPM. Cuz seriously, 3 months is one whole quarter!

its 3am. gonna go back to sleep soon! bes2!! BLEY TIDO!!! hahahaha. *terlalu happy rasa cam gila

crazy (in love with you)
lin

Tuesday Terror

Nouri

I missed wholeday of class today. Im too tired to get out of my bed. Im screwed.

Lin

Sengal badan ku.. Haih..

Dear Nouri,

tak semangat buat hmwk.. letih la :(

btw, i went snowboarding last night kan, so my whole body is really2 sore. So, bila mandi tadi tiba2 i notice, my biceps are HUGE! :P

anyway, maybe bengkak sikit because of yesterday. but if its sore, meaning its making muscle kan?
its so cool! :P i dont even have to do pushups anymore! :) but im planning to start doing pushups agaain cuz i dont want this snowboarding muscles to go away! Even my left arm is rock hard and i hardly use that! and the thing is, i only need to flex and not cramp it up.. haha. im being so tomboy right now! oh, well. better than being petite, sweet and have no fun ;)

i wish i can sleep all day and not need to go to class this week. malas dah

love
lin.

Aidiladha di perantauan..

To my dearest Nouri.

Im glad Monday is OVER!!!!!!!!! ANd i tell you a secret.. lin ponteng kelas BIO! Scary!

Im feeling so guilty. Im even scared that i'll fail the class. Thank god the midterm is after the christmast hols or I'll be pressured and tensed for the whole quarter for not going to ONE class.
Dont tell my dad!

Counting the days for hols so i can go to memphis for two weeks.. No classes.. No rochester.. No sighing and self pity because hungry and no food. yeay! :)

Guess what? The wether was -12 celcius today! Chilly!

I had fun ine ice skating class again. I think I've found a new hobby. Next, I'll love to take the rock climbing class. Btw, Next year's winter quarter, me and insyirah planning nak amik snowboarding class! (MARA is paying for the 80 dollars tuition fee!) We're so hip now! Haha!

If you are wondering, i didnt go to class cuz i didnt finish my chem lab report even though i only slept for 1 hour yesterday. Monday's and thursdays class are my longest class ever. 8am till 5pm in the afternoon. Humph.

But I have no class on wednesday (except ice skating) and no class on friday!

So, that was my raya. Not sleeping, doing homework, ponteng kelas bio, main ice skating, and oh yeah, pi kerja satgi.. Sad, sad..

Few people said hari raya to me today and i was like, eh, right.. i completely forgot.. happy eid to you too.. Every single time! See. smpi hari raya pun tak sedar. Nak balik :(

Missing home, and missing you,
Lin

The jungle hubby

For my real life jungle man who smells in the morning even after shower, :P

Im a city damsel lost in the jungle,
trying to figure my way for survival,
my clothes are worn, hand filled with torns
I wish it now that I wasn't born

I tried making fire out of rocks,
but what I managed was to loose my socks,
now I'm on my bare feet I barely can walk,
I wished there was someone for me to talk

So one day I stared to the sun so bright,
witnessed by the snakes, bears and trees alike
I wished for a man to save me from this blues,
and maybe he could help me find my gucci shoes

So suddenly I heared a wild yell ' aaaAAAAaaaAAAH'!
How my heart had leaped and yelled hoorah!
My dream of a hero had finally come,
so I wonder where the voice had actually came from

I searched high, I searched low,
I asked the frog, I asked the doe
Where was the man who owned the voice,
I was so happy, I tried to regain my poise

So while I was trying to straighten up,
dusting my clothes,
I hear a tweak from a tree so close
I looked up and there I saw
A man with a hair so wild as wild boar ----> my nouri yang tak suka sikat rambut :P

He stood between the tree looking so fine, ---> your 6 packs.. haha
I'd smiled at him if only my teeth could shine
But it's been a while since I last had brushed,
so instead I look down and sheepishly blushed

He came down half naked as he is,
staring me down as much as he please
For the jungle is his home, his territory,
While Im only a minor character in this love story

'me Tarzan' he said to me,
and he held his hand to feel my heart beat
It was pumping a hundred million to a second,
as I looked to his face,
i know this man would be my husband

He grabbed me by his hand and pulled me on his back
He gave me his tour of his jungle track
We swung high between the trees
And he showed the way to live with ease

So came the time that I was truly happy,
just me and my honey, the jungle hubby,
He saved the damsel in distress is the ending of this poetry,
and for the finishing touch,
I'll tell you that his name is Nouri


P.S: Hope you like it. :) nak sangat jungle theme yek? Muah!

Love,
Jane/Lin :P

Chocolate on Ice

Dear Nouri,

I went for the chocolate on ice event. Its basically just a lot of chocs dessert to eat and free admission for ice skating. One guy came by and asked we where im from cuz he said i skate tremendously :P anyway, i told him to teach me how to stop, it worked a lil bit by slowing me down but i didnt manage to stop completely. it was fun tho.

Im dissapointed in you. I tought you check this often but it turns out you dont. I dont like telling you to check it cuz that'll blow the suprise or the excitement. I mean, why should i tell you when to check this blog, you should know to check it by yourself. I write it for you, and i thought you appreciate it. If you really do, you should have been checking everyday to know when is the next post. and there i go trying to be romantic, but all it turns out that you make me cry. im really sad.

Ive been doing your facebooking game for every 15mins im online cuz you want me to. But when you are online, you dont even bother to play it. And at least for the blog you could have checked it once a day. compared to 15mins for me for probably 6 hours a day for your game. it makes me feel so pathetic, no being appriciated and all.

I know you are sorry. I know i should forgive you. However from this day on, i couldnt help to think that you check this site just because i told you so, not because you want to. :'(

Maybe im being irrational, but you really dont know how it breaks my heart.


it hurts in the inside,
lin

My past

Nuni,

I was lost in darkness a few years ago
The world was gloomy and i was just a shadow
I creep in the depths of night in silent
Not knowing what to say or what to do

I used to cry alone in my bed
my soul was lost and my heart was crushed
Hugging my bear ilos, i wept my tears
and i saw my hopes all drained and flushed

Maybe i wasnt suicidal but i could have been
my thoughts was of death and was of pain
for then i was numb, i couldnt feel
i wonder if i was actually even sane

i go through life alone and isolated
i learn to be independent and to be autonomous
i hardly trust anyone, i rarely have friends
i was mostly know as i was infamous

i was known to do things as i like
and known to have things my way
most of the time i wouldnt mind, i wouldnt care
but other days it was tough, i felt dark and grey

That was my past, my sorrow and despair,
i hardened my heart to stand on my own
i may look tough and i may look cold
but the pool of tears, that wasnt shown

i dun mind now, i dont need pity
i'll continue doing things as i please
it maybe sad, it maybe pathetic
but its only thing that make me feel at ease

hurm.. i dont know what else to do with this one.. my head is blank and i cant think of anything. this is crap anyways.. sigh.

love,
lin

My treasure

Ahoy matey,

Im a pirate of the carribean sea
Searching for a treasure beneath the water,
You wonder what is the treasure, what could it be
A million gold coins or a million green paper.

I swam far, i dove deep,
fighting the current, fighting the seaweed
to find the treasure that my heart seek
was not a simple task or an easy feat.

At last i found the treasure gleaming under the water,
an amazing view what my eyes had capture,
i open the chest with my heart so true,
and honey, i found that my treasure is you :)

I did this in the shower... haha.. me such a dummy.. kinda cheesy right?

Ships Ahoy!
Lin

I can skate BACKWARDS!

A note for Nouri :

I went ice skating after i finished the poem. I can now skate BACKWARDS! :)

still trying to figure how to stop though :P

Love,
Lin

Another lame attempt for an apology

To my dearest nouri,

They were times we were happy
And i see the joy on your face
we were young, we were joyful, and oh, how we were merry
but those days were gone and we now seem out of place

I used to laugh in glee being with you,
you're my joker man, my clown with a really big nose
You should understand i never meant to hurt you
but with an ego like mine, not sadness but anger arose.

its a stab in the heart for us to be apart
how i long to go home and to be by your side
this long months away from you had been really hard
and i still have to wait for a few years untill i'll be your bride

This waiting and distance becomes our foe
at times it makes me forget how i feel when we were together
how you used to make me shine and make me glow
and if i was sad and cried, you can make me feel so much better

Now i sometimes forget, the bliss we used to own
And when works starts to pile up, i will start to moan
i will forget to treat you nicely which you should had deserve
and one or twice, i probably get on your nerves

im sorry for all the pain you had to bear
maybe i havent shown you,
but you should know that i really care
my heart still bleeds when i see you sad
though most of the times it was because i was mad

im grateful for how you still hold firm on the ground
you didnt squeak or either make any sound,
you shut your sorrow and distress away from me
when you could have leave me and set yourself free

You should know that my heart will always belong to you
and i will always love you no matter what you do
and when im angry or moody, it doesnt mean that i didnt care
i guess its just another phase you would probably have to bear

we will have to try hard to make this work
and i will try my best not to act like a jerk
i hope you forgive me for all the things i have done
and i will try my best to be much more fun

we will smile and laugh again hopefully one day
to all the stupid, crazy jokes you have to say
and so, i hope you accept this crappy poetry
as my another lame attempt for an apology

Loving you each passing second,
Lin

A lame attempt for an apology

love is bitter and love is blind.
but love could be bliss though thats hard to find.
Sigh.......
________________________________________

I want you to believe me when I say, that
I love you with all my heart
and that its killing me every second, minute and passing day,
that we are miles and miles apart.

I admit Ive been acting up lately
and i may have hurt you a long the way

*blank*

________________________________________

Im very rusty.. cant even write two verse.. and the verse i wrote is like very immature. Sigh.
________________________________________

To my dearest nouri,

They were times we were happy
And i see the joy on your face
we were young, we were joyful, and oh, how we were merry
but those days were gone and we now seem out of place

I used to laugh in glee being with you,
you're my joker man, my clown with a really big nose
You should understand i never ment to hurt you
but with an ego like mine, not sadness but anger arose.

-------to be continued------------- ( hopefully)

sigh.. that killed 20 mins of my time.

I gotta go to work. its 10.30pm.

I'd like to continue dat, have some motivation to write. but im afraid by the time i get back from work at 1am, there's no more of that motivation anymore. so, it will probably be stuck at that.
Cuz i usually write it at one go. hurm.. probably not.

But all im saying is. that im sorry. you know how i am. i get so stressed i get easily irritated and you're the one i usually let it out at. Im sorry. I really mean it.

im just so tired and agitated this week. hope you understand. I never want you to leave me. Im not trying to drive you away from me. You know how im scared to loose you. If only you were with me right now and everything will be okay again.

Im lame at poetry, i know. but i just like making things rhyme, at least i used to. now these were just awful attempts at it. But at least you know that im giving an effort right?

i feel so forlorn. :'(

i better be going now. Dun wanna be late for work tho its already 10.40pm.

I love you, I miss you.

Lin

My poetic days...

I used to write poems a lot in during form 2 till early of form 4
This is only a few that i still have a copy of. I even wrote a song but i lost it.. sigh.
All of this is pretty lame though...

Anyway, here it goes.

UNTITLED
today will be the last
for me to change the past
the horror that conqured me
shall you never ever see

i tried to change the history
but who cares i might let it be
for future is what you need
a light to shine the dark street

i work my way to come up top
i will rise everytime i drop
help me if i' wrong
without you i cant be strong.

Alone
darkness surrounds me
i'm blind and alone
voices deafning me
makes me wanna scream
mixed feeling i can't understand
makes me wanna tear my heart out
but it's hope that gathered me
and allow me to stand alone


Heart of Revenge (if you ever cheat on me...)

My heart in despair
the pain i cannot bare
when your heart had been torn
by someone you really care

Toss the ring at his face
Toss the roses into the fire
The memories you cannot erase
The rejection of your heart and desire

Tears may had drop
blood may had spill
Though you may not come out top
your anger had been fulfill

Wash off your dirty hands
Put away the pointy knife
Change your address and your name
And move on with your new life.

Dance with the wolves this is crap but one of the first poem i wrote that i really like :)
Dance with the wolves
In the wilderness dream
The will of strength and power
Or what it may seem

The river of the forest
Glimmering under the moon
And the pack came down to drink
As they'll be leaving soon

Life in the wild
A wonderful adventure
A feeling of freedom
Only the heart could capture

The togetherness of the brothers and sisters
For the alliance that ties the bond between each other
For all is for one and one is for all
That's the tradition that lives forever....


Well.. old times.. i dont have the inspiration anymore to write it.. Sigh.

I miss you too

Dear buchuk,

Im sorry for this past few days we havent be able to talk much. I've been sleeping a lot lately. Just too tired. The only time im awake is when you are asleep.. Im so sorry. I know you miss me and i miss you too. Its the last day of work for the week. So, we will be able to talk during the weekend ok?

Love you,
Lin

Grades are out. Why am I not happy?

Sayang,

Hye.. I got all A except for Bio which is of course, a B. Never was my best subject and never will be.
I guess i get what i wanted. 3.733 so i made it to the dean's list. Just i guess a few of us got a 4 pointer which makes me a lil bit sad of myself. Sigh.

Anyway, i guess i'm not getting that porsche :P

Their's a lil bit snow left on the grass cuz its 0 degree out. Im gonna play some before getting to work :D



I love you,
Lin

Happy, happy me!

Nouri,

I counted my bio marks without the exam im taking tomorrow.. Guess what? I need only 30 marks to get a B!!! yeah! I dun think I can get an A but B is enough to make me happy!

If the rest of my subjects are A.. then i get the dean's list.. wipee! woohoo!
So far,

Chem lab - A
Gen Chem - A
Freshman Symp -A
First Year Enrichment - A
Writing - Unknown
Biology- hopefully a B :)
Karate - Passed!

Wish me luck,
Lin

Studying for SAT ;)

To my dearest Nouri,

Remember how we used to spend time in our little corner in Austin studying for SAT?
How I miss spending time with you! I love you honey!

Love,
Lin

Keeping the record straight.

Nouri,

hurm... Jus so you (and my mother) know..

i MISS you more than my mom. BUT, i LOVE her more than i love you ( a bit :P) . Takpekan?
ala.. my mom jugak.. jangan sedey2.. jangan jeles2 k? Nak me sayang you more, you gotta marry me first. haha!

(and, mak, jangan terasa eh? Lina saaaaaaaaaaaaayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaang mak!)

Btw, finals as you know is on thursday, which is the Biology paper. I think I aced the other subjects but for biology im aiming for a B cuz right now Im at a C.. scary! I want a B so that i can get into the dean's list for once in my life! :) (im not that bright, i know) And i could never beat you. But hey, you're mine and im proud of you! Muah! As long as you still love me no matter how high or low is my IQ , i'll be ok.

And for a heads up. Since it is finals week and since my only paper is bio, which is as you know, my worst subject since standard 4 (scince = bio, physics and chem), be ready for some emotional breakdown. I might get angry at you for no absolute reason or be sad or jus cry. So, like always, just endure it okay ;) but you're getting pretty good at that tho i probably hurt you a bit at times..(sorry!) But hey, we've been through a lot and i certainly am better of controlling my emotions rather than before. (right?)

Whatever may happens, know that i always love you.
Sayang nouri,
Lin

P.S. As you know i ponteng for the first time for this quarter which also happens to be my last class of the quarter. haha.. bye2 karate. me wanna try something new. Ice skating, here i come!

Praises from work. Suprised huh? Me too!

Sayang,

Sorry Ive been in a sour mood lately. And im so sorry im taking advantage of you right now. Anyway, once next week is over, i'll be better.

Work has been great lately. I've been helping Brian and Kelly lately since Kelly overwork herself and hurt her neck. Anyway, two nights ago, at 1 when Im suppose to go back, we didnt finish Kelly's area on time. Usuaaly it will be done by the time I go check out from work. So, I offered to stay for a while but Brian said no, its better if I can get OT if I wanna stay but since Im not getting any, he said I can just leave and they can finish the work by themselves.

It happens that last night I asked John (The supervisor) if I could work during the break and Brian was there. He also asked if I can do OT. And then he started praising me saying I'm reliable, hardworking, doing a good job and yada yada.. I was like .. huh? I guess the incident with whiteboard and the 'hollow' plastic bag was long forgotten! Phew! What a relieve. And all this time i tought he thinks im interfering with his work.

Kelly is going to for a follow up with her doctor today. If the doctor says she's better, I guess Im back to vacuuming.. :(

Talk to you later,
Lin

Winter break : Memphis, Tennessee

Nouri,

Im going to Tennessee for the whole two weeks of winter break! Yipee!

Gonna see my uncle and aunt who i havent met for 15 years and cousins for 5 years.

Yasir is my age and khalid is one year younger, both are skaters and yasir looks like my bro a bit. Both americans who i only seen once when they came to malaysia for a month 5 years ago (and before i left the states 15 years ago).

Probably gonna go for a road trip a bit but im not really sure. Just im so happy i got to spend the break with the people i can call family! yeay!!

Im excited!

Love,
Lin.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

To my dearest Nouri.

I love you. There's no one in the world that I love more than you. I cant believe there will be a point in time that i miss someone more than I miss my family or my mother but you surely surpassed that.

I wanna go back home. I want to be with you. I cant think straight and I'm dysfunctional at the moment. I've been staring at computer for three hours now, back and forth from my computer to my book and i havent read anything yet. Somehow i've become emotional again tonight. Although, you should be proud, I havent shed a tear for a while now :) I think thats a big accomplishment.

I've decided. I dont want to go anywhere during fall or winter break. I just wanna stay on campus, apply for some job or just chill around. Just winter will be a little bit of a problem trying to find a place to live but i can figure that out later. Im waiting for you to come next year and save this damsel from distress. I dont think I'll enjoy going places as much as i go with you. We will go to our pre-honeymoon again like we did in Malaysia. (we have so many pre-honemoon :P) All those places i went with you, I miss that. We should go to Kinabalu again, maybe as a family later on :) And then, maybe, just maybe, we can try conquering the everest. Haha.

Honey,
I'm loving you more and more each day. You're the sweetest, most adorable, most caring, the funniest, not to mention annoying but i love you for that too :) It has been two months that i havent seen you and its been killing me. I miss you.

I miss seeing how your face glows when I reach section 17 bus station when you have been waiting patiently sometimes over an hour or two.

I miss how i spend every moment out of akasia with you. You will wait by the gate, we go out and you will send me back for every single day.

I miss how we tend to finish each other's sentences. we still do that over the messenger but i miss talking to you face to face.

I miss how you will try to cater to my everything and how im so bad of taking advantage of that but you still love anyway.

I miss the times when we're standing in the ktm and you silently kiss above my head and think i didnt notice.

I miss how we will go to pizza hut and share our seafood lasagna :) and i always feed you the last bite.

I miss how you will deny being gay when i say you are. (you're not gay, i know)

I miss how you deny you are gedik when you know you are being gedik :)

I miss the times when you get all excited when we go out to have fun.

I miss the times we will talk about the future, our hopes and dreams.

I miss spending time in the library with you trying to finish the crossword puzzle of the month together and reading readers digest.

I miss stepping on your shoe with my high heels :) Btw, thanks for the high heels i love them but i dont wear them here :(

I miss talking to you on the phone even when you are actually beside me. (gotta love family plan!)

I miss watching movies with you when you will just stare at me while i watch the big screen. You're so sweet.

I miss when you try to make fun of me but quickly stop when i make a sad face.

I miss when you ask for forgiveness thinking that I'm mad at you for making fun at me when im actually laughing in the inside.

Hope you know that i really, really, so much, love you.. It's 12 now.. Im gonna wait for you to come online till 1 before i'll head for the books. I know you are out today but you didnt tell me when you'll be back. So, i'll just wait for a while.

Loving you,
Lin

Its snowing today :)

To the love of my life.

Its snowing today :) Finally, the first day of snow I could remember has arrived! It was snowing for about half an hour. It will be a lovely suprise tomorrow if i just wake up with a 3 feet snow outside. That will be super sweet! Its gonna be cold tho, so, some layers should do. I love my white parka! Its so warm! :)

Its your last paper today. I guess you are taking chem while im writing this post. I know you'll do great. Nouri kan pandai :) Im so proud of you even if no one else is. So, kira after this I can chat with you a lot lar kan? Especially during fall break. Which reminds me, i better look for a job.

I love you. Ttyl.

Loving you always,
Lin

P.S : I got condoms and a leaflet about STD for halloween. Weird, but funny.. haha..
And im going to the ice hockey game on halloween night. :) No costume this year.. I dont think I'll be in the mood. And you know what? I think I'll buy the colorful stripe of gloves, scarf, hat and boots. Its one week worth of work. I think it will be worth it cuz i can mix and match it later. What do you think?

Im a hopeless custodian.. Sigh..

Kehadapan kekasihku Ahmad Nouri yang berada jauh disana...

Buchuk, I Screwed up today :(

Anyway, usually my work is just vacuuming classes for two hours.. But today, they asked me to help Brian out with his area. So, what i was suppose to do was push in the chairs into the table, wipe the whiteboard clean, empty the garbage bin and swipe a lil bit of the floor with his help..

You know me right, suka buat kerja kelam lambut atau at a fast pace macam tak cukup masa kadang2.. So, haih.. I screwed up..

Masa nak tukar plastik bag.. Lin koyak the end of the plastik bag and i didnt notice (no wonder susah giler nak bukak plastik bag tu!) So, the bag was actually hollow. And Brian and I only noticed when we are at third floor of the engineering building and i kinda screwed up a couple at the first floor.

Later, kena wipe whiteboard.. Lin buat kerja cepat2.. Habis dah.. Tapi macam ada streak kelabu skit so Brian told me to do a lil bit more sebab budak engine ni suka complain walau pun sikit jer. So, lin buat cepat2, and then this wipe mop thingy terbalik and the steel terkena the whiteboard and i kinda made a permanent streak! :'(

Brian told me not to worry about it but i felt so guilty!!! :(

Im such a hopeless custodian. Maybe I should stick to vacuuming but I think the vacuum itself is getting sick of me.. Asyik nak buat pasal je.. Kalau bukan the vacuum bag tercabut, the roller kat bawah.. Klu tak tu, cable dier plak, then kena amik vacuum lain..

Is this a sign i should look for another job next quarter? :(

Lin.

Im gonna make you love me :)

I'm gonna make you love me,
Wassup girls
Hi Chris!
So you guys ready?
Yeah we're ready but are you ready?
I don't know, lets find out

I'm gonna do everything for you
to show you that my love is true
oh baby (oh baby)
I'll sacrifice for you
I'll always do what's right for you
oh baby, baby, baby.

Every minute every hour,
I'm gonna shower you with love and affection
look out it's coming in your direction.

I'm gonna make you love me
oh yes I will, yes I will
I’m gonna make you love me
Oh yes I will, yes I will

Look here- My love is strong you see
I know you'll never get tired of me,
oh baby (oh baby)

And I'm gonna use every trick in the book,
I'll try my best to get ya hooked, oh baby baby.

Every night and everyday
I'm gonna getcha I'm gonna getcha
look out girl cause I'm gonna getcha.

I'm gonna make you love me
oh yes I will, yes I will
I’m gonna make you love me
Oh yes I will, yes I will

Every breath I take,
and each and every step I make
Brings me closer baby, closer to you girl

And with each beat of my heart
For every day we’re apart
I will always be there for you

And I… Every night and everyday
I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha,
look out girl, 'cause I'm gonna getcha.

I'm gonna make you love me,
Ooh yes I will, yes I will
I'm gonna make you love me
Ooh yes I will, yes I will
I'm gonna make you love me
Ooh yes I will (I will) yes I will
Yes I will

Nouri!

This is also one of my fav songs during my younger years. Anyway, masa lin dengar tadi kan? Lin teringat masa awal2 kat intec. Nouri and his mischievous plans :P

How you said that you planned to make me fall for you. With the messaging and my poster for atusa election and other things too :) you're so sweet! I love you ;)

Tapi kan, sape yang orang yang malu dan penakut tu? hehe..

Im glad we end up together :)

Wondering what happened to the cloud9,
Lin

P.S. My mom's bday is coming up this saturday. make sure you wish her ok? You'll get a plus point for that :P

An ambiguous day.

Dear Nouri,

Im missing you. Good luck for your finals! Jus one more week and you'll be free for two months! Lucky you! :) All the best ya? I know you'll do great.

Its a good day today :) I had an awesome breakfast and we will have halal chicken in the afternoon (yeay!) and seafood at night! All and all, I will have a perfect meal today! You know how much I love to eat :P

However, I've been missing you so bad. I've been thinking of going back home during winter hols. Others are making plan to go to Texas but i dont want to. I was hoping to go the big Apple or maybe Florida. NYC will be so awesome with the christmas sale and all.. I guess we will still have to wait and see. Im trying to work this fall break, so maybe, just maybe (dont get your hopes high) If i be able to collect at least 2Gs (2G/ 300 = 6.7 months of work?? IMPOSSIBLE :( ) i'll go back during winter. But the chances doesnt look very promising. Maybe more of nil..

Im thinking about you a lot today. Thats kinda what makes this day so forlorn. I miss being with you. It has only been two months.. Sigh..

Anyway, I guess I'll catch up with you next weekend since you are busy studying. Been waiting for you to get online for an hour now. I better start doing my work. I'll be calling you if I'm close to tears. I love you Nouri.

Take care.

Loving you always,
Lin

Another praise in Karate :)

To my buchuk,

:D this is the last post for today. hehe

Anyway, karate hari tu kan.. kan? kan? lin practice after class dekat sensei tu.. tau aper dia kata? i have perfect posture! awesome! my moves were perfect!! :D weee~! so happy! and oh, i got a double high five this time!!! ( does that make it a high ten? hurm..)

I owe it all to Sensei Lim Lee Lee, my instructor in Penang who is the gold medallist in SEA games (showing off! dun care! :P). I guess all that hard work paid off! Man, I miss karate lessons with her. She pushes everyone to be so much better. :)

Anyway, I have perfect posture! hahaha!

So proud of myself ( i sound so arrogant here!)
Lin



P.S. I went to this haunted office and just entering i was already screaming like hell and chickened out cuz i was so scared of the dark. So, me in syirah and azizah jus waited for a while to gather some courage. So, this guy came along and agreed to walk infront of all of us.. Kinda scary at first because of the dark and all but then come all this 'ghost' or actors.. Cool makeup but i guess i wasnt scared cuz i know dey are human except for this one part where one of the rooms they make it like a puddle of blood and a woman crying for help. I didnt see the woman cuz a man suddenly slam the door shut. That was the scariest part i guess. Maybe because of the slamming it kinda jolted my heart a bit. Anyway, it was still cool, good haunted house/office. Wish you were there with me though so you can be my knight in shining armor. I love you.

Our video :)

Nouri,

You make me happy! I love you!
Thank you for making this sweet vid.. :D

Lin

Im grateful of you, do you know that?

Dear Nouri,

I know, I'm wrong. I know I made a mistake. But please make me learn from what i did? I know when or where to stop, to refuse and to say no. This is a first for a guy to ask me for a walk here, so i guess, i was late of reading his mind. I was quite puzzled i guess. Kinda like Khairin, kinda suprise that an american could even like us even that im an american myself.

Dont worry about my safety okay? I know how to take care of myself. But if anything goes wrong, you know you will be the first person i will contact. I love you.

Did i really betray your trust? Im sorry if I did. But please keep trusting me. I need that from you.

I've always been telling you how but your reply is always," I'm not married to you yet, so let me enjoy my freedom"What is freedom? Isn’t freedom the ability to act in accordance with one's own true self or values? So are you implying that by marrying me, you will lose your freedom? If that happens, then wouldn’t that mean that I am oppressing you from who you are? I would never want that to happen. So, in a way, what you are implying is that what I want is against your freedom. But this is contradicting, why would I want to take away your freedom? What I only want is for your safety and I don’t see how what I want is an oppression to your freedom.

Yes, freedom is whatever that you have stated. Just sayang, what i meant of letting me have my freedom is letting me talk to whoever i want. I know you will get jealous, but honey, they are my friends. And im sorry that im closer to guys at some point. Cuz since i was little, i make better conversations with guys rather than girls ( at least that's what i think). I know you dont like that because you're easily jealous, but i want you to let me be for a while.

Tying the knot with you does mean that it will take a way my freedom. I wont be able to talk to guys anymore cuz that will be againts your willing. I think looking at one will gonna make you sad already. But the thing is, by that time, it wont matter for me anymore. I will gladly do it because by that time, I will be with you and I will pay my whole attention jus catering to you and will do it with my own willing because i want to. Its just that not being yours officially just yet, I have a different prospective in life. But when i'm officially yours, nouri, I will look on life a little bit different, okay?

And when you came online, I was so very delighted. I greeted you happily but you turned me down. Why? Just because of my silly mistake I made when my heart was hurt deeply.

Im sorry for this morning. I know i hurt you yesterday. But you hurt me too and i know that you are sorry. I dont expect you to understand this because i'm you first girlfriend you ever had. But Nouri, before you, I had others too. And you know, what you had said kinda triggers what i felt when i broke up with someone. Feeling not good enough, feeling that you have give your all in a relationship but somehow it doesnt work. I've never being dumped, but i always feel that its always my fault. I'm just not perfect for anyone. So, i hope you get what i mean.

kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? I hope that you are still watching the video I made for you everyday like some people. “I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway, It’s the way you make me feel”. The title of the song is the way you make me feel, and the sentence right before it says I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway.


I know Nouri, i feel that way too (its my fav song remember?). But for once i dont wanna be the person being talked about, being gossip about, being the person receiving those sharp glaze whenever another person is looking at you. I dont want that. They havent really know me and Ive already been judged. Just for now, can you just let me decide on myself on what i think is best for me? You are not here, you dont know what im going through. But I love you. I want you to have a part in my life, but being away, it cant work that way. So, while Im here, and you are there, jus let me decide okay? If i dont know what to do, I will always ask you. However, I still have an idea on what to do. So, just let it be.

I love you. Just please dont be disappointed at me anymore. I want you to be able to study and i want me to be able to do some work. Our whole lives are affected today, dont let it spread okay?

Im thankful cuz you always going to be there for me. Im thankful that you always listen and im thankful that you never get mad. But i do know you will always get disappointed. I know that is how you show your rage. You dont have to tell me that, I already point it out to you long time ago, i bet you dont remember.

Im thankful that you're so smart and you are always able to make me laugh. Im grateful cuz you are mine and no one else. I love you soo much :'( Always know that Im soo happy to be yours. To know that someone really want me. Think highly of me and love me with all his heart. Always know that nouri, Im very grateful of you. Dont ever think otherwise.

Forever Yours,
Lin

P.S. Dont write Azlina is that okay? When you call me by my full name, i cant feel any affection anymore and that scares me. I know you still love me, but im just so scared. Dont do that again ok?

I tought you say I was perfect?

Nouri,

You call me angel, you call me perfect.

I know that i was wrong, going out with a guy, sitting at a pond, wearing his sweater (at my hands! cuz it was damn numb!) and all that was wrong. Cuz i didnt expect anything. I tot it was a kind gesture. Im sorry. You have the right to sulk, to be disappointed, to be mad at me. You did all that except of being mad. And i thank you for that.

But when it old you that i'll be your forever and will always be your girlfriend, how could you say, "then start acting like one". What have i been doing for the past year huh? Am i not trying to be the best i can be with you? Havent is shared my secrets, my plans of the future and lots more? Have i not love you with all my heart so much that it hurts? Havent i declare to the world everyday dat i love you until people are sick of hearing it? Saying bad things about us?

kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? ( to those, stop reading my status if you are sick of reading it. jus cuz you dun feel the way that i do doesnt mean its wrong. its my prerogative of saying what i want to say and feel. Maybe your love aint strong as i am. Think about that. Klu nak gossip gak, gossip lar, buat pahala kat ak pun.)

Have i not nouri?

I know you keep saying that you love me more than i love you. I cant deny that cuz i believe that myself. But doesnt meant i love you so much less. I love you too. And i meant every word when i say i love you. You know when i get mad i refuse to say i love you which is when i dont think i'll meant it.

I thought i had been the best i can be for you. I guess i havent, have i? Im sorry. I guess im not perfect as you say i was. I dont really know how to act as your girlfriend. Maybe you should teach me how? or maybe im jus not good enough after all..

Im going out for dodgeball. Bye.

Lin

Not reading this arent you?

Nouri,

so, i spent my time to write at times and you're not reading this arent you? Sigh..

Lin

Gedikness taking control of you

A note for Nouri,

Apsal gedik sangat ni!!! :P Macam budak2. Haih...

Love you keding! (jgn marah.. Nnt cepat tua)
Talk to you tomorrow! Muah!

Lin

Good luck baby!

To my buchuk,

I love you so much! Good luck for you toastmaster, i know you will do great! Sayang nouri!
I know you probably dah habis bagi speech by now. Sorry lin lambat :(

Ingat tak last year lin ikut nouri time bulan puasa. And lepas sembahyang there was no food left kan? And lin bawak roti ngan air bagi nouri makan. At least that's how i remembered it.. Terharu tak? I miss you!

Btw, we got to get married quick! I'm starting to search for silverware's online! :P

Loving you,
Lin

Lucky Me!

Dear Nouri,

Missing you at the moment.. Do you know that you're so awesome??! I love so much talking to you! :D How you can make me smile and laugh when I was actually crying at the moment. You're so incredible! And I feel so lucky to be yours! :D

It will help that you get online more frequently tho. Cuz I miss you and I really want to talk to you again and again and again. Haih.. You must be sooo deep in your sleep right now.. Hopefully dreaming of me.

Anyway, i should be doing my work now. I love you!!!!!

Always yours,
Lin

High Five!!

A note for Nouri.

Hey, havent heared from you for quite a bit. Forgot about me already huh? Anyway, I just wanna tell you about my karate lesson today. It was quite ok, i practice usually on thursday so that im ready on friday. And today, we had to do front kick, side kick and 45 degree kick.

So, anyway, we had to kick this punch bag, so while waiting for my turn, i practice at the back to get my technique right. And it just happen when its my turn the sensei was standing behind me. After that he pulled me back, and i startled! Pastu dia kata awesome job! That was perfect! And he high fived me!! Weeee~!!

Gonna practice some more! I miss you!

Love,
Lin

Cheat Sheet :P

Nouri,

Tau tak, kat sini kan, ikut consedaration lecturer, bley bawak cheat sheet ke kelas.. Meaning you can bring one A4 paper and write your notes on it and bring to the exam. Tp cuma satu kertas tu jer.. tp ada senior yang bwak lebih :P My dad told me abt this before.. tp when its actually happening to you cam pelik :P

I love you! Miss you so much.. Lin nak gi solat and tdo! Muah! Gudnite!

Truly inlove with you,
Lin

Sorry.

Dear Nouri,

My hormone kicks in again. I'm sorry I let it out on you yesterday. I was so depressed and moody that I just felt like arguing with somebody to make me cry. Cuz somehow crying really helps, it makes me feel better anyway, but I guess in a way i hurt you. I'm sorry..

I can't help thinking that I cant see you till next year. Its only been a month and I miss you so much! :(

By the way, I want to ask you, if I gain a little weight, will you look at me differently? Cuz' the seniors told us that its normal for freshman to gain weight because of the meal plan and all. Some of them actually gain about 10kgs! I don't think I'll be that extreme, but, you will never know! ;)

Again, I'm sorry. Hope you are not dissapointed of me.

Love,

Lin

Im tired...

To : Nouri

So many works to do but im so sleepy already.. Writing, chem and biology.. I hoe you'll have an enjoyable day today. Tomorrow is sure gonna be hell! I need some motivation. Maybe i should sleep for a while. Gudnite!

Love you.
Lin.

My essay.

To: Nouri

I wrote this when i was form 2 for this writing competition at a forum online. Just for fun, no prize or anything tho.. Just that i'll get a tittle under my name when i send a post online.

want your opinion on it. the competition was that i have to write an essay based on the picture below.




This was my essay.


“Where’s the girl?”
I’m Marx Caesar, a runaway criminal. I was sentenced for five years in jail for using and distributing drugs.
Today, I’ve kidnapped Teresa Williams, a daughter of a bank owner.
“Yo, man, are you listening? Where’s the damn girl?!”
That’s Jimmy, he was jailed for killing a man who tried to flirt with his girlfriend .We had both escaped from the jail two days ago.
“Chill, man, she is in the trunk! What? Do you what me to put her in front so everybody can see her?”
“ DidT anyone see you?”
“Of course not, I’m not that stupid, you know!”
“Good, now follow me!”
Jimmy climb back into his white car and started the engine. We drove nearly for two hours when he stopped his car near a cabin by a lake.
“This will be our hiding place!”

The next day,
“How much do you want him to pay?? One million?” asked Jimmy.
“Isn’t that to much?”
“For god's sake, he’s an owner of a bank, isn’t he? What do you want, a penny?”
“Whatever,”

After a while,
“Ok, here it goes,”
Jimmy raised the phone receiver and dialed..

“Mr. Williams,
Your daughter is with us. We want one million bucks in cold hard cash in exchange of your daughter. You’ll have 48 hours to prepare the money. Instructions will be given later on…Remember, DO NOT inform the cops, otherwise… We’ll call you back to check on you.. remember, no cops! good day”




Jimmy put down the receiver.
“Sounds good?”
“Perfecto!”

Sounds of the door being open.

“Hey, I’ve bought 4 hamburgers and 3 strawberry shakes and a Pepsi. I know you asked for a vanilla, but since I like strawberry better, I bought two for you guys!” smiled Carl .
“What?!? You stupid a**hole!! Don’t you know I’m allergic to strawberry??”
Jimmy smacked Carl on the head, and snatch the Pepsi from Carl’s hand.
“Hey, that’s mine!!”
Carl rubbed his forehead.
“It hurt’s you know,”
“Carl, go and wake up the girl, and feed her…”

Carl is Jimmy’s friend in crime.. I don’t really know him that much .. Jimmy said that his damn stupid.. Anyway who cares.


We called the Williams yesterday, told them to put the money in the garbage bin at the Central Park
exactly at 12 midnight tomorrow.

“Okay, tomorrow, Carl, damn it are you listening?”
Jimmy stood up and smacked Carl on the head ( again ) ..

“What?!? I’m listening!!”
“Bullshit! You were listening to that stupid, f**king walkman. Why don’t you pay attention for a sec.”
“Alright, alright… what is it?
“Okay, tomorrow, Carl you go and pick the money while I’ll go to Route 44, got it?”
“yup,”
“After you pick up the money and the line is clear, I’ll call the Williams and tell them they can pick up the girl at Route 44.Then, Carl, you come back here where Marx will be waiting and we’ll divide the money, okay?!”
“OKAY,”


It all went according to plan. Carl went to pick up the money and Jimmy went to route 44 to leave the girl while I wait at the hideaway..”

After 4 hours of waiting, I’ve been wondering where they were.. they should be back by now..S**T! It’s already passed three in the morning! I’m Fu**ing tired!

Sounds of the door being opened and closed.
“I’ve got the money,” I heard Carl voice say.
“What take you so long? Let’s divide the money while we wait for jimmy!”
“I don’t think so,” Carl opened his blue jacket and take out a silver metal not mistakenly a gun.
“What do you mean? Where did you get the damn gun? Where’s Jimmy?”
“He’s dead! Now, it’s your turn!

Love you.
Lin

Takde keja

To: Nouri

I've kept a blog once. But it was only succesful for one year when i was form 3. Dont bother to find it cuz i ald delete the account. So, this is number ?? of my attempt to keep a blog. What i'm gonna write about? Hurm.. Let's seee...

I guess I'll write about anything i feel like doing? That will be okay rite? Anyway, I miss you. This blog is for you and you only. If others read it, it wouldnt matter, its just that i want to point out that this blog is written with you in my mind (you guys can still post comments if you want ;) ). Ok then, since i already set the record straight, i just wanna say that i miss you and i love you sooooooooooo much!! Muah!

Love you.
Lin