Im grateful of you, do you know that?

Dear Nouri,

I know, I'm wrong. I know I made a mistake. But please make me learn from what i did? I know when or where to stop, to refuse and to say no. This is a first for a guy to ask me for a walk here, so i guess, i was late of reading his mind. I was quite puzzled i guess. Kinda like Khairin, kinda suprise that an american could even like us even that im an american myself.

Dont worry about my safety okay? I know how to take care of myself. But if anything goes wrong, you know you will be the first person i will contact. I love you.

Did i really betray your trust? Im sorry if I did. But please keep trusting me. I need that from you.

I've always been telling you how but your reply is always," I'm not married to you yet, so let me enjoy my freedom"What is freedom? Isn’t freedom the ability to act in accordance with one's own true self or values? So are you implying that by marrying me, you will lose your freedom? If that happens, then wouldn’t that mean that I am oppressing you from who you are? I would never want that to happen. So, in a way, what you are implying is that what I want is against your freedom. But this is contradicting, why would I want to take away your freedom? What I only want is for your safety and I don’t see how what I want is an oppression to your freedom.

Yes, freedom is whatever that you have stated. Just sayang, what i meant of letting me have my freedom is letting me talk to whoever i want. I know you will get jealous, but honey, they are my friends. And im sorry that im closer to guys at some point. Cuz since i was little, i make better conversations with guys rather than girls ( at least that's what i think). I know you dont like that because you're easily jealous, but i want you to let me be for a while.

Tying the knot with you does mean that it will take a way my freedom. I wont be able to talk to guys anymore cuz that will be againts your willing. I think looking at one will gonna make you sad already. But the thing is, by that time, it wont matter for me anymore. I will gladly do it because by that time, I will be with you and I will pay my whole attention jus catering to you and will do it with my own willing because i want to. Its just that not being yours officially just yet, I have a different prospective in life. But when i'm officially yours, nouri, I will look on life a little bit different, okay?

And when you came online, I was so very delighted. I greeted you happily but you turned me down. Why? Just because of my silly mistake I made when my heart was hurt deeply.

Im sorry for this morning. I know i hurt you yesterday. But you hurt me too and i know that you are sorry. I dont expect you to understand this because i'm you first girlfriend you ever had. But Nouri, before you, I had others too. And you know, what you had said kinda triggers what i felt when i broke up with someone. Feeling not good enough, feeling that you have give your all in a relationship but somehow it doesnt work. I've never being dumped, but i always feel that its always my fault. I'm just not perfect for anyone. So, i hope you get what i mean.

kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? I hope that you are still watching the video I made for you everyday like some people. “I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway, It’s the way you make me feel”. The title of the song is the way you make me feel, and the sentence right before it says I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway.


I know Nouri, i feel that way too (its my fav song remember?). But for once i dont wanna be the person being talked about, being gossip about, being the person receiving those sharp glaze whenever another person is looking at you. I dont want that. They havent really know me and Ive already been judged. Just for now, can you just let me decide on myself on what i think is best for me? You are not here, you dont know what im going through. But I love you. I want you to have a part in my life, but being away, it cant work that way. So, while Im here, and you are there, jus let me decide okay? If i dont know what to do, I will always ask you. However, I still have an idea on what to do. So, just let it be.

I love you. Just please dont be disappointed at me anymore. I want you to be able to study and i want me to be able to do some work. Our whole lives are affected today, dont let it spread okay?

Im thankful cuz you always going to be there for me. Im thankful that you always listen and im thankful that you never get mad. But i do know you will always get disappointed. I know that is how you show your rage. You dont have to tell me that, I already point it out to you long time ago, i bet you dont remember.

Im thankful that you're so smart and you are always able to make me laugh. Im grateful cuz you are mine and no one else. I love you soo much :'( Always know that Im soo happy to be yours. To know that someone really want me. Think highly of me and love me with all his heart. Always know that nouri, Im very grateful of you. Dont ever think otherwise.

Forever Yours,
Lin

P.S. Dont write Azlina is that okay? When you call me by my full name, i cant feel any affection anymore and that scares me. I know you still love me, but im just so scared. Dont do that again ok?