Nouri,
You call me angel, you call me perfect.
I know that i was wrong, going out with a guy, sitting at a pond, wearing his sweater (at my hands! cuz it was damn numb!) and all that was wrong. Cuz i didnt expect anything. I tot it was a kind gesture. Im sorry. You have the right to sulk, to be disappointed, to be mad at me. You did all that except of being mad. And i thank you for that.
But when it old you that i'll be your forever and will always be your girlfriend, how could you say, "then start acting like one". What have i been doing for the past year huh? Am i not trying to be the best i can be with you? Havent is shared my secrets, my plans of the future and lots more? Have i not love you with all my heart so much that it hurts? Havent i declare to the world everyday dat i love you until people are sick of hearing it? Saying bad things about us?
kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? ( to those, stop reading my status if you are sick of reading it. jus cuz you dun feel the way that i do doesnt mean its wrong. its my prerogative of saying what i want to say and feel. Maybe your love aint strong as i am. Think about that. Klu nak gossip gak, gossip lar, buat pahala kat ak pun.)
Have i not nouri?
I know you keep saying that you love me more than i love you. I cant deny that cuz i believe that myself. But doesnt meant i love you so much less. I love you too. And i meant every word when i say i love you. You know when i get mad i refuse to say i love you which is when i dont think i'll meant it.
I thought i had been the best i can be for you. I guess i havent, have i? Im sorry. I guess im not perfect as you say i was. I dont really know how to act as your girlfriend. Maybe you should teach me how? or maybe im jus not good enough after all..
Im going out for dodgeball. Bye.
Lin
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Dear Azlina,
When you told me that you went out with a guy you barely knew, just the two of you, alone, he bought u drinks, he walked you here and there even all the way to your block, he followed you to some fair, he gave you his sweater for you to wear, he talked to you for more than hour at a pond, you devastated my poor little heart. All of that, it was supposed to be me. I'm the one whose suppose to give you all that comfort. Here I am thinking of you every single moment of my life, and there you go betraying my trust to you. I don't understand how could you have thought that was a kind gesture? A simple kind gesture does not go on for more than an hour. Well, you already know that I'll never get mad for anything you do but I guess all that rage has to go somewhere. I guess that all my rage converts into an unknown psychological force of units |x>0| that ultimately destroys my heart. And in order to restore my heart, a work has to be done. This work receives the force that is converted by another psychological emotion, which is your love. If you already know that you did a mistake than do something. Ignoring physics for now, do you have any idea what went through my mind while reading that? I know nothing happened, but what if something does happen the next time? When that happens, could you undo the damage?
Have I not told you before that you should be careful when you are with strangers, even with people you know a bit? In fact you yourself made your own research about what goes on in the mind of a man. And that research most probably meant man from where the research was conducted, and I'm saying its probably in the US. You know what I'm talking about. I only want you to take care of your safety. If anything happens to you I'll never forgive myself and I'll blame everything that happened to you on myself. Why? Well because I know that I could have done something to at least prevent anything from happening to you. Prevention is better than cure so it goes. Next time, you should prevent things like this from happening. Its simple and you know how. I've always been telling you how but your reply is always," I'm not married to you yet, so let me enjoy my freedom" What is freedom? Isn’t freedom the ability to act in accordance with one's own true self or values? So are you implying that by marrying me, you will lose your freedom? If that happens, then wouldn’t that mean that I am oppressing you from who you are? I would never want that to happen. So, in a way, what you are implying is that what I want is against your freedom. But this is contradicting, why would I want to take away your freedom? What I only want is for your safety and I don’t see how what I want is an oppression to your freedom.
Moving on, you must know that when I say you’re perfect I really mean it. I know you made a mistake but does that mean that you are no longer perfect? Don’t be wrong. Even though you made a mistake, I am always ready to forgive. Give it time, and no matter what mistake you did I always forgive you in the end. When I said the sentence you didn’t like, it was still too soon. My heart was still devastated, it had yet to recover. But after half a day, I realized it was a mistake and I had 100% forgiven you. And when you came online, I was so very delighted. I greeted you happily but you turned me down. Why? Just because of my silly mistake I made when my heart was hurt deeply. So why do I call you an angel? Another saying goes, to err is human, to forgive divine. You too have always forgiven me for my silly mistakes. You accept me for who I am, and that is why you are an angel, a perfect angel.
Since I am analyzing your whole post, I will also comment on kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? I hope that you are still watching the video I made for you everyday like some people. “I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway, It’s the way you make me feel”. The title of the song is the way you make me feel, and the sentence right before it says I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway. I leave it at that for you to ponder
Lin, you know that we are very similar. You know when i get mad i refuse to say i love you which is when i dont think i'll meant it, quoted from your post. I too won’t mean some stuff I say when I get sad or disappointed. You should know that too. So once again, I apologize for saying things I didn’t mean to say.
Lin, you are still perfect to me no matter what you do. Yes you have been the best you can be for me. I really appreciate it. I too am always trying to be perfect for you but I realize I’m not even close to being perfect yet. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you with all my heart, and I want you to know that.
My eyes are getting heavy now. I think I’ll doze off for awhile. I still have lots to cover for my tests. I have Physics and calculus test on the same day this Tuesday, both tests 3 hours long, meaning 6 hours of straight exam this Tuesday. Hope you’ll call me when you have the time. I’m sorry for what I said. I have already forgiven you for what you did, and I hope you will forgive me too.
It’s 4 now, tolong kejut nouri kalau boleh..haha
I love you,
Always,
Nouri
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