Its snowing today :)

To the love of my life.

Its snowing today :) Finally, the first day of snow I could remember has arrived! It was snowing for about half an hour. It will be a lovely suprise tomorrow if i just wake up with a 3 feet snow outside. That will be super sweet! Its gonna be cold tho, so, some layers should do. I love my white parka! Its so warm! :)

Its your last paper today. I guess you are taking chem while im writing this post. I know you'll do great. Nouri kan pandai :) Im so proud of you even if no one else is. So, kira after this I can chat with you a lot lar kan? Especially during fall break. Which reminds me, i better look for a job.

I love you. Ttyl.

Loving you always,
Lin

P.S : I got condoms and a leaflet about STD for halloween. Weird, but funny.. haha..
And im going to the ice hockey game on halloween night. :) No costume this year.. I dont think I'll be in the mood. And you know what? I think I'll buy the colorful stripe of gloves, scarf, hat and boots. Its one week worth of work. I think it will be worth it cuz i can mix and match it later. What do you think?

Im a hopeless custodian.. Sigh..

Kehadapan kekasihku Ahmad Nouri yang berada jauh disana...

Buchuk, I Screwed up today :(

Anyway, usually my work is just vacuuming classes for two hours.. But today, they asked me to help Brian out with his area. So, what i was suppose to do was push in the chairs into the table, wipe the whiteboard clean, empty the garbage bin and swipe a lil bit of the floor with his help..

You know me right, suka buat kerja kelam lambut atau at a fast pace macam tak cukup masa kadang2.. So, haih.. I screwed up..

Masa nak tukar plastik bag.. Lin koyak the end of the plastik bag and i didnt notice (no wonder susah giler nak bukak plastik bag tu!) So, the bag was actually hollow. And Brian and I only noticed when we are at third floor of the engineering building and i kinda screwed up a couple at the first floor.

Later, kena wipe whiteboard.. Lin buat kerja cepat2.. Habis dah.. Tapi macam ada streak kelabu skit so Brian told me to do a lil bit more sebab budak engine ni suka complain walau pun sikit jer. So, lin buat cepat2, and then this wipe mop thingy terbalik and the steel terkena the whiteboard and i kinda made a permanent streak! :'(

Brian told me not to worry about it but i felt so guilty!!! :(

Im such a hopeless custodian. Maybe I should stick to vacuuming but I think the vacuum itself is getting sick of me.. Asyik nak buat pasal je.. Kalau bukan the vacuum bag tercabut, the roller kat bawah.. Klu tak tu, cable dier plak, then kena amik vacuum lain..

Is this a sign i should look for another job next quarter? :(

Lin.

Im gonna make you love me :)

I'm gonna make you love me,
Wassup girls
Hi Chris!
So you guys ready?
Yeah we're ready but are you ready?
I don't know, lets find out

I'm gonna do everything for you
to show you that my love is true
oh baby (oh baby)
I'll sacrifice for you
I'll always do what's right for you
oh baby, baby, baby.

Every minute every hour,
I'm gonna shower you with love and affection
look out it's coming in your direction.

I'm gonna make you love me
oh yes I will, yes I will
I’m gonna make you love me
Oh yes I will, yes I will

Look here- My love is strong you see
I know you'll never get tired of me,
oh baby (oh baby)

And I'm gonna use every trick in the book,
I'll try my best to get ya hooked, oh baby baby.

Every night and everyday
I'm gonna getcha I'm gonna getcha
look out girl cause I'm gonna getcha.

I'm gonna make you love me
oh yes I will, yes I will
I’m gonna make you love me
Oh yes I will, yes I will

Every breath I take,
and each and every step I make
Brings me closer baby, closer to you girl

And with each beat of my heart
For every day we’re apart
I will always be there for you

And I… Every night and everyday
I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha,
look out girl, 'cause I'm gonna getcha.

I'm gonna make you love me,
Ooh yes I will, yes I will
I'm gonna make you love me
Ooh yes I will, yes I will
I'm gonna make you love me
Ooh yes I will (I will) yes I will
Yes I will

Nouri!

This is also one of my fav songs during my younger years. Anyway, masa lin dengar tadi kan? Lin teringat masa awal2 kat intec. Nouri and his mischievous plans :P

How you said that you planned to make me fall for you. With the messaging and my poster for atusa election and other things too :) you're so sweet! I love you ;)

Tapi kan, sape yang orang yang malu dan penakut tu? hehe..

Im glad we end up together :)

Wondering what happened to the cloud9,
Lin

P.S. My mom's bday is coming up this saturday. make sure you wish her ok? You'll get a plus point for that :P

An ambiguous day.

Dear Nouri,

Im missing you. Good luck for your finals! Jus one more week and you'll be free for two months! Lucky you! :) All the best ya? I know you'll do great.

Its a good day today :) I had an awesome breakfast and we will have halal chicken in the afternoon (yeay!) and seafood at night! All and all, I will have a perfect meal today! You know how much I love to eat :P

However, I've been missing you so bad. I've been thinking of going back home during winter hols. Others are making plan to go to Texas but i dont want to. I was hoping to go the big Apple or maybe Florida. NYC will be so awesome with the christmas sale and all.. I guess we will still have to wait and see. Im trying to work this fall break, so maybe, just maybe (dont get your hopes high) If i be able to collect at least 2Gs (2G/ 300 = 6.7 months of work?? IMPOSSIBLE :( ) i'll go back during winter. But the chances doesnt look very promising. Maybe more of nil..

Im thinking about you a lot today. Thats kinda what makes this day so forlorn. I miss being with you. It has only been two months.. Sigh..

Anyway, I guess I'll catch up with you next weekend since you are busy studying. Been waiting for you to get online for an hour now. I better start doing my work. I'll be calling you if I'm close to tears. I love you Nouri.

Take care.

Loving you always,
Lin

Another praise in Karate :)

To my buchuk,

:D this is the last post for today. hehe

Anyway, karate hari tu kan.. kan? kan? lin practice after class dekat sensei tu.. tau aper dia kata? i have perfect posture! awesome! my moves were perfect!! :D weee~! so happy! and oh, i got a double high five this time!!! ( does that make it a high ten? hurm..)

I owe it all to Sensei Lim Lee Lee, my instructor in Penang who is the gold medallist in SEA games (showing off! dun care! :P). I guess all that hard work paid off! Man, I miss karate lessons with her. She pushes everyone to be so much better. :)

Anyway, I have perfect posture! hahaha!

So proud of myself ( i sound so arrogant here!)
Lin



P.S. I went to this haunted office and just entering i was already screaming like hell and chickened out cuz i was so scared of the dark. So, me in syirah and azizah jus waited for a while to gather some courage. So, this guy came along and agreed to walk infront of all of us.. Kinda scary at first because of the dark and all but then come all this 'ghost' or actors.. Cool makeup but i guess i wasnt scared cuz i know dey are human except for this one part where one of the rooms they make it like a puddle of blood and a woman crying for help. I didnt see the woman cuz a man suddenly slam the door shut. That was the scariest part i guess. Maybe because of the slamming it kinda jolted my heart a bit. Anyway, it was still cool, good haunted house/office. Wish you were there with me though so you can be my knight in shining armor. I love you.

Our video :)

Nouri,

You make me happy! I love you!
Thank you for making this sweet vid.. :D

Lin

Im grateful of you, do you know that?

Dear Nouri,

I know, I'm wrong. I know I made a mistake. But please make me learn from what i did? I know when or where to stop, to refuse and to say no. This is a first for a guy to ask me for a walk here, so i guess, i was late of reading his mind. I was quite puzzled i guess. Kinda like Khairin, kinda suprise that an american could even like us even that im an american myself.

Dont worry about my safety okay? I know how to take care of myself. But if anything goes wrong, you know you will be the first person i will contact. I love you.

Did i really betray your trust? Im sorry if I did. But please keep trusting me. I need that from you.

I've always been telling you how but your reply is always," I'm not married to you yet, so let me enjoy my freedom"What is freedom? Isn’t freedom the ability to act in accordance with one's own true self or values? So are you implying that by marrying me, you will lose your freedom? If that happens, then wouldn’t that mean that I am oppressing you from who you are? I would never want that to happen. So, in a way, what you are implying is that what I want is against your freedom. But this is contradicting, why would I want to take away your freedom? What I only want is for your safety and I don’t see how what I want is an oppression to your freedom.

Yes, freedom is whatever that you have stated. Just sayang, what i meant of letting me have my freedom is letting me talk to whoever i want. I know you will get jealous, but honey, they are my friends. And im sorry that im closer to guys at some point. Cuz since i was little, i make better conversations with guys rather than girls ( at least that's what i think). I know you dont like that because you're easily jealous, but i want you to let me be for a while.

Tying the knot with you does mean that it will take a way my freedom. I wont be able to talk to guys anymore cuz that will be againts your willing. I think looking at one will gonna make you sad already. But the thing is, by that time, it wont matter for me anymore. I will gladly do it because by that time, I will be with you and I will pay my whole attention jus catering to you and will do it with my own willing because i want to. Its just that not being yours officially just yet, I have a different prospective in life. But when i'm officially yours, nouri, I will look on life a little bit different, okay?

And when you came online, I was so very delighted. I greeted you happily but you turned me down. Why? Just because of my silly mistake I made when my heart was hurt deeply.

Im sorry for this morning. I know i hurt you yesterday. But you hurt me too and i know that you are sorry. I dont expect you to understand this because i'm you first girlfriend you ever had. But Nouri, before you, I had others too. And you know, what you had said kinda triggers what i felt when i broke up with someone. Feeling not good enough, feeling that you have give your all in a relationship but somehow it doesnt work. I've never being dumped, but i always feel that its always my fault. I'm just not perfect for anyone. So, i hope you get what i mean.

kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? I hope that you are still watching the video I made for you everyday like some people. “I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway, It’s the way you make me feel”. The title of the song is the way you make me feel, and the sentence right before it says I don’t care what they say, I’m loving you anyway.


I know Nouri, i feel that way too (its my fav song remember?). But for once i dont wanna be the person being talked about, being gossip about, being the person receiving those sharp glaze whenever another person is looking at you. I dont want that. They havent really know me and Ive already been judged. Just for now, can you just let me decide on myself on what i think is best for me? You are not here, you dont know what im going through. But I love you. I want you to have a part in my life, but being away, it cant work that way. So, while Im here, and you are there, jus let me decide okay? If i dont know what to do, I will always ask you. However, I still have an idea on what to do. So, just let it be.

I love you. Just please dont be disappointed at me anymore. I want you to be able to study and i want me to be able to do some work. Our whole lives are affected today, dont let it spread okay?

Im thankful cuz you always going to be there for me. Im thankful that you always listen and im thankful that you never get mad. But i do know you will always get disappointed. I know that is how you show your rage. You dont have to tell me that, I already point it out to you long time ago, i bet you dont remember.

Im thankful that you're so smart and you are always able to make me laugh. Im grateful cuz you are mine and no one else. I love you soo much :'( Always know that Im soo happy to be yours. To know that someone really want me. Think highly of me and love me with all his heart. Always know that nouri, Im very grateful of you. Dont ever think otherwise.

Forever Yours,
Lin

P.S. Dont write Azlina is that okay? When you call me by my full name, i cant feel any affection anymore and that scares me. I know you still love me, but im just so scared. Dont do that again ok?

I tought you say I was perfect?

Nouri,

You call me angel, you call me perfect.

I know that i was wrong, going out with a guy, sitting at a pond, wearing his sweater (at my hands! cuz it was damn numb!) and all that was wrong. Cuz i didnt expect anything. I tot it was a kind gesture. Im sorry. You have the right to sulk, to be disappointed, to be mad at me. You did all that except of being mad. And i thank you for that.

But when it old you that i'll be your forever and will always be your girlfriend, how could you say, "then start acting like one". What have i been doing for the past year huh? Am i not trying to be the best i can be with you? Havent is shared my secrets, my plans of the future and lots more? Have i not love you with all my heart so much that it hurts? Havent i declare to the world everyday dat i love you until people are sick of hearing it? Saying bad things about us?

kita pun bercinta gak, tapi tak yah lar britau semua orang? ( to those, stop reading my status if you are sick of reading it. jus cuz you dun feel the way that i do doesnt mean its wrong. its my prerogative of saying what i want to say and feel. Maybe your love aint strong as i am. Think about that. Klu nak gossip gak, gossip lar, buat pahala kat ak pun.)

Have i not nouri?

I know you keep saying that you love me more than i love you. I cant deny that cuz i believe that myself. But doesnt meant i love you so much less. I love you too. And i meant every word when i say i love you. You know when i get mad i refuse to say i love you which is when i dont think i'll meant it.

I thought i had been the best i can be for you. I guess i havent, have i? Im sorry. I guess im not perfect as you say i was. I dont really know how to act as your girlfriend. Maybe you should teach me how? or maybe im jus not good enough after all..

Im going out for dodgeball. Bye.

Lin

Not reading this arent you?

Nouri,

so, i spent my time to write at times and you're not reading this arent you? Sigh..

Lin

Gedikness taking control of you

A note for Nouri,

Apsal gedik sangat ni!!! :P Macam budak2. Haih...

Love you keding! (jgn marah.. Nnt cepat tua)
Talk to you tomorrow! Muah!

Lin